Heya.
So, still have zero readers apparently. Yeah me!
Life is rolling along. Tomorrow, will start hitting the gym. On a side note, could they have had a more stereotypical sales person to get me to join? Beautiful young female in her twenties, quick to laugh at my stupid comments, and really, does the zipper on your track jacket need to be that low?
Anyway, took the step and signed up. Have even gone and researched some dietary changes to help make things more manageable. So here we go, time to get this butt kick started!
So, weight- 235-240lbs
Chest-
Waist-
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
As the summer sun sets
Wow....spent a bit reading over my last posts as normal, and apparently I was in a pretty low place at some point.
So, yeah, things haven't got much better since I last wrote, though I may have come out of that nasty cave of delusion and pity I was in before. What changed? nothing, still alone, drink too much, broke, and I am sure that Saddam Hussein (Yes, I know he has been executed) at this stage still receives more mail and correspondence than I do.
But, hey, what the hell....who gives a shit. Over this past weekend, I missed what had become somewhat of an annual event... the local Beerfest. And also, this past weekend, even though I am still struggling to come up with a better social network, a few texts and calls from friends helped me think that maybe...just maybe...I do have friends.
That's not to say that I haven't burnt some bridges. My best friend in High school and University, whose wedding I skipped and haven't sent even a crappy card, no longer talks to me( and , really, very well deserved and understood).
So, how does one go on in this god forsaken world. How often can you drag yourself to bed off of the couch where you spent your evening. How often can you look in the mirror and think that maybe this outfit will hide my flaws ( it never does...flab is flab, bigger shirts don't hide, are really only bigger shirts). How many drunken nights will it take for me to solve all of the worlds problems. One more?
So here is life at this point... I applied and interviewed for the posting of a liftetime with my current employer. In the next few years, we will be revamping all of our systems and upgrading to SAP based interfaces. I was lucky enough to be selected from my area to be interviewed, and now have to wait another 5 days before I find the inevitable...50/50, you got the job, congrats or you didn't get the job, but still employed and boss is willing to help you map your next career decision. In reality, it's pretty much win/win for me at this point. Oh, did I mention that if I do get the job, it would require extensive travel to cities explored and new alike?
And alcohol, oh alcohol, what to do...what to do... I can go periods of no consumption, but they are always followed by periods of perpetual drunken states. How does one stop? I thought about AA, but recently have started researching this option, and honestly, the hype may overshadow the actual results.
So, here I am, August of 2010, looking at a fork in the road where one has no barriers, and the second I am waiting to see if the gate will lift and allow me to wander down an new path. I hope that the barrier will lift, although if it doesn't, than I will gallop, or skip, or simply step confidently down the other path and do the same thing that I always do, second guess myself, push myself, and advance to the next level.
And gym is no longer a hated word, but more so like the arrogant person in your life that you don't want to acknowledge is right, but because they almost certainly are, you grudgingly succumb and do what you know is actually best for you. Besides, I hate this gut, and I hate being out of shape now.
So, Andy, next time you read this, what have you done? Do you deserve anything or have you earned it? Put down the bottle, go for a walk, say heya to someone, be Bo, just do it.
p.s.- for anybody who is not Andy...CBC Radio 3, great source of music. And to all those who DONT' WANNA FALL IN LOVE...don't blame ya, and if you are SORRY...so I am, very sorry, but hey...maybe, just maybe, we can all crawl along together, eventually able to stand up and walk tall, until we whack our heads again. Hopefully, this time it won't drive us to our knees. Just a rolling cliche machine right now, but obviously, no one is listening, so go for it. In reality, all of life comes down to a 50/50 chance, it happens/ it doesn't happen, or, Succeed and continue on/ Fail, and find another way to succeed.
that $5 Tim's card is still sitting on my desk, really, with millions of people browsing the web, nobody has somehow accidentally stumbled across this yet?
Cheers!
So, yeah, things haven't got much better since I last wrote, though I may have come out of that nasty cave of delusion and pity I was in before. What changed? nothing, still alone, drink too much, broke, and I am sure that Saddam Hussein (Yes, I know he has been executed) at this stage still receives more mail and correspondence than I do.
But, hey, what the hell....who gives a shit. Over this past weekend, I missed what had become somewhat of an annual event... the local Beerfest. And also, this past weekend, even though I am still struggling to come up with a better social network, a few texts and calls from friends helped me think that maybe...just maybe...I do have friends.
That's not to say that I haven't burnt some bridges. My best friend in High school and University, whose wedding I skipped and haven't sent even a crappy card, no longer talks to me( and , really, very well deserved and understood).
So, how does one go on in this god forsaken world. How often can you drag yourself to bed off of the couch where you spent your evening. How often can you look in the mirror and think that maybe this outfit will hide my flaws ( it never does...flab is flab, bigger shirts don't hide, are really only bigger shirts). How many drunken nights will it take for me to solve all of the worlds problems. One more?
So here is life at this point... I applied and interviewed for the posting of a liftetime with my current employer. In the next few years, we will be revamping all of our systems and upgrading to SAP based interfaces. I was lucky enough to be selected from my area to be interviewed, and now have to wait another 5 days before I find the inevitable...50/50, you got the job, congrats or you didn't get the job, but still employed and boss is willing to help you map your next career decision. In reality, it's pretty much win/win for me at this point. Oh, did I mention that if I do get the job, it would require extensive travel to cities explored and new alike?
And alcohol, oh alcohol, what to do...what to do... I can go periods of no consumption, but they are always followed by periods of perpetual drunken states. How does one stop? I thought about AA, but recently have started researching this option, and honestly, the hype may overshadow the actual results.
So, here I am, August of 2010, looking at a fork in the road where one has no barriers, and the second I am waiting to see if the gate will lift and allow me to wander down an new path. I hope that the barrier will lift, although if it doesn't, than I will gallop, or skip, or simply step confidently down the other path and do the same thing that I always do, second guess myself, push myself, and advance to the next level.
And gym is no longer a hated word, but more so like the arrogant person in your life that you don't want to acknowledge is right, but because they almost certainly are, you grudgingly succumb and do what you know is actually best for you. Besides, I hate this gut, and I hate being out of shape now.
So, Andy, next time you read this, what have you done? Do you deserve anything or have you earned it? Put down the bottle, go for a walk, say heya to someone, be Bo, just do it.
p.s.- for anybody who is not Andy...CBC Radio 3, great source of music. And to all those who DONT' WANNA FALL IN LOVE...don't blame ya, and if you are SORRY...so I am, very sorry, but hey...maybe, just maybe, we can all crawl along together, eventually able to stand up and walk tall, until we whack our heads again. Hopefully, this time it won't drive us to our knees. Just a rolling cliche machine right now, but obviously, no one is listening, so go for it. In reality, all of life comes down to a 50/50 chance, it happens/ it doesn't happen, or, Succeed and continue on/ Fail, and find another way to succeed.
that $5 Tim's card is still sitting on my desk, really, with millions of people browsing the web, nobody has somehow accidentally stumbled across this yet?
Cheers!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
A Funny thing happened on the way back from Dallas
So, after a week of above 105F temperatures (sorry, but I am a north eastern Canadian boy), the only time we got rain was just as my flight was supposed to leave, at which point a violent thunder boomer moved through the area and my flight ended up departing 2 hours late.
So, yeah, being the anal planner that i am, I missed my connector in Toronto to Halifax. And here are my adventures, be they trite and boring, but proved to be another interesting chapter of my life.
While waiting at the Dallas airport, came across another person who was employed by the same company. He was also Canadian and had relocated to Dallas for work. After introductions, he mentions, "oh, you are so and so...heard a bit about you." All good, I am sure... He was heading home for two weeks of vacation, of which part was to be spent cycling from Toronto, to Buffalo, then back again. Yes, even I had a bit of a man crush when I looked upon him. So, while at the airport, seeing the flight is delayed, being Canadian and all, what do we do? of course head to the pub for some beer.
Once in Toronto, knowing I missed my connector, naturally I was a tad bit concerned. One thought was to hop on the train and have an adventure that way, traveling the rails from Ontario to Halifax. Remarkably, the airline actually had already taken care of me, and booked me on a flight the next day. After having many bad experiences with this airline, I can pleasantly say, kudos, job well done.
So, now, 10:30pm in Toronto, with a flight the next day at 8 am, time to find a place to get some grub and lay my head for a bit. But, low and behold, my trusty MasterCard was not in my wallet, but on the desk back home where I had left it after checking a few things out on the website. So, debit card it is for the remainder of the trip. Luckily, the hotel was able to accommodate me, thanks Faye!!, (although she wasn't able to find the rate quoted to me by the reservation line), and after safely stowing my bags in the room, off I went to the lobby bar for some food, a drink, and finish some work that had been due the day before. So, note to all travelers, for two beer and a smoked meat sandwich, you can expected to shell out $42 at this hotel. And the bar doesn't take debit...and doesn't give you an honest exchange for American dollar to Canadian ($8 American =$7.76 Canadian....uhmmm...). So I had to drain every last dollar and coin to pay off my tab. Sorry Pablo, no tip from me, but since I almost had to wash the dishes... Wireless internet is free in the bar/ lobby though.
The next morning, being already at/in the terminal, I went to the baggage check-in area about 1 1/2 hours before departure. Held up a bit in line, no big deal, still time to grab a coffee and bagel before the fight, or so I thought...
At security, apparently my duty free alcohol, which accompanied my on the flight before, was no longer acceptable. This is now 40 minutes before departure, and I have to run back to the check in area to check my bag with the bottle of Jack and bottle of Smirnoff ( which, coincidentally, Canadian customs let through with nothing more than a "Well, a bit more than your supposed to have, but no biggie"). In the end, it was all worth it, as I shared the flight with Kevin Costner, although apparently nobody else recognized him, including the lady I pointed him out to while awaiting our baggage in Halifax. (Yes, it was actually him. His band was playing in a Country Rock fest that weekend)
So there ya go. Sometimes life throws curve-balls at ya, but in the end, Kevin Costner still has to sit on the same plane as you do. He does get his baggage first though.
So, yeah, being the anal planner that i am, I missed my connector in Toronto to Halifax. And here are my adventures, be they trite and boring, but proved to be another interesting chapter of my life.
While waiting at the Dallas airport, came across another person who was employed by the same company. He was also Canadian and had relocated to Dallas for work. After introductions, he mentions, "oh, you are so and so...heard a bit about you." All good, I am sure... He was heading home for two weeks of vacation, of which part was to be spent cycling from Toronto, to Buffalo, then back again. Yes, even I had a bit of a man crush when I looked upon him. So, while at the airport, seeing the flight is delayed, being Canadian and all, what do we do? of course head to the pub for some beer.
Once in Toronto, knowing I missed my connector, naturally I was a tad bit concerned. One thought was to hop on the train and have an adventure that way, traveling the rails from Ontario to Halifax. Remarkably, the airline actually had already taken care of me, and booked me on a flight the next day. After having many bad experiences with this airline, I can pleasantly say, kudos, job well done.
So, now, 10:30pm in Toronto, with a flight the next day at 8 am, time to find a place to get some grub and lay my head for a bit. But, low and behold, my trusty MasterCard was not in my wallet, but on the desk back home where I had left it after checking a few things out on the website. So, debit card it is for the remainder of the trip. Luckily, the hotel was able to accommodate me, thanks Faye!!, (although she wasn't able to find the rate quoted to me by the reservation line), and after safely stowing my bags in the room, off I went to the lobby bar for some food, a drink, and finish some work that had been due the day before. So, note to all travelers, for two beer and a smoked meat sandwich, you can expected to shell out $42 at this hotel. And the bar doesn't take debit...and doesn't give you an honest exchange for American dollar to Canadian ($8 American =$7.76 Canadian....uhmmm...). So I had to drain every last dollar and coin to pay off my tab. Sorry Pablo, no tip from me, but since I almost had to wash the dishes... Wireless internet is free in the bar/ lobby though.
The next morning, being already at/in the terminal, I went to the baggage check-in area about 1 1/2 hours before departure. Held up a bit in line, no big deal, still time to grab a coffee and bagel before the fight, or so I thought...
At security, apparently my duty free alcohol, which accompanied my on the flight before, was no longer acceptable. This is now 40 minutes before departure, and I have to run back to the check in area to check my bag with the bottle of Jack and bottle of Smirnoff ( which, coincidentally, Canadian customs let through with nothing more than a "Well, a bit more than your supposed to have, but no biggie"). In the end, it was all worth it, as I shared the flight with Kevin Costner, although apparently nobody else recognized him, including the lady I pointed him out to while awaiting our baggage in Halifax. (Yes, it was actually him. His band was playing in a Country Rock fest that weekend)
So there ya go. Sometimes life throws curve-balls at ya, but in the end, Kevin Costner still has to sit on the same plane as you do. He does get his baggage first though.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Company with the "underground garage"
Thanks to the musical selections of Mo tonight to keep me company.
Not sure where I left off, as I decided not to read my previous entry. Much like tonight, the posts here are fueled by boredom, self pity, and alcohol to help the feelings flow.
To start off, I had the most restless night of sleep/dreams. To back up a bit, to recap for myself and the first person to actually to read this, I have now been divorced for over a year, and separated longer than that (obviously). Last night I had a pretty vivid dream of my ex, and it was almost like I was lucid dreaming. In my dream, myself knew that the relationship was over, and had accepted it, but just wanted to catch up with my ex. We were sitting on a couch in an apartment, and she felt the need to re iterate that she no longer had feelings for me. That is when my parents arrived, chasing her out, and then my mother accused me of being an alcoholic, as I was drinking beer (in the dream I wasn't, I had stopped a few hours previously) and needed to go to work.
And then I woke up, confused and ashamed that I was drunk and needed to go to work. Then it slowly dawned that it was Saturday, it had been a dream, and it was only 5am.
This dream has upset me more than it should, and caused some serious reflection. I don't talk/ communicate with my ex. In fact, I don't communicate with anybody anymore, and I am perplexed as to how I became such a hermit. It seems that for awhile, I had found this small door that was leading me to some wonderful experiences. I had somehow managed to attract the affections of the office "hottie", and thought we were progressing nicely, then the bottom fell out. Next dating experience wasn't so good, and that was where I decided to stop trying. Sure, there has been a bar pickup, and a mediocre attempt to engage someone, but after a bit it felt forced so it just tailed off.....
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tears in the Bath
Fuck it all. So tired, so fed up, so lonely.
Broke, barely afford to eat, perfect cure for my alcoholism as it is now literally (can you get beyond literally) to the point of buying hot dogs, $0.99 Pasta and sauce, and wondering how I will afford gas to get to work after next week. Yet can't shed a pound....go figure. Thank you Frito Lay for the job and snacks that are easily succumbed to thanks to hunger cravings.
Fuck it all. Beautiful new apartment, and albeit I spent my disposable income on becoming a drunken sop (look it up), I finally traded in my repair of the month sedan for a 1/4 ton pickup truck...god I have wanted a truck for the last ten years...now I can't afford to put gas into it because I am too busy killing my liver off.
Little lesson kiddies, go read other blogs for how much fun life is, how you can just say fuck it all, get a car, got to some city/ festival and not care. I'm 32, employed, by myself, not many friends to speak of, and a neglected dog. Where's the gun to end it all. Maybe a boat and cinder blocks come July... life sucks and it doesn't get better.
I have even read over my previous posts, and all I can think of is how the hell did I write that. It acutally shows a pure descent down. Geez.. maybe I should even keep throwing in those posts that just seem to end in a middle of a thought/ sentence.
I don't know, maybe if I keep typing, life will make sense. Ha ha, and schaw...maybe monkeys will fly out my butt.
So, what has happened, why is it that I can't seem to contribute regularly to this blog. Why does no one accidentally stumble across it? $5 TimHortons card to the first person who acutally leaves a comment.
Snapping back, I have moved...a bigger apartment, 1 bedroom, plus den, washer/dryer/ dishwasher all included. I am on a lake with a a walking trail into a nature park. I bought (well, the bank bought me and wants monthly payments) a brand new truck, but yet I still can't figure out the whole social thing. I dont know, maybe
Broke, barely afford to eat, perfect cure for my alcoholism as it is now literally (can you get beyond literally) to the point of buying hot dogs, $0.99 Pasta and sauce, and wondering how I will afford gas to get to work after next week. Yet can't shed a pound....go figure. Thank you Frito Lay for the job and snacks that are easily succumbed to thanks to hunger cravings.
Fuck it all. Beautiful new apartment, and albeit I spent my disposable income on becoming a drunken sop (look it up), I finally traded in my repair of the month sedan for a 1/4 ton pickup truck...god I have wanted a truck for the last ten years...now I can't afford to put gas into it because I am too busy killing my liver off.
Little lesson kiddies, go read other blogs for how much fun life is, how you can just say fuck it all, get a car, got to some city/ festival and not care. I'm 32, employed, by myself, not many friends to speak of, and a neglected dog. Where's the gun to end it all. Maybe a boat and cinder blocks come July... life sucks and it doesn't get better.
I have even read over my previous posts, and all I can think of is how the hell did I write that. It acutally shows a pure descent down. Geez.. maybe I should even keep throwing in those posts that just seem to end in a middle of a thought/ sentence.
I don't know, maybe if I keep typing, life will make sense. Ha ha, and schaw...maybe monkeys will fly out my butt.
So, what has happened, why is it that I can't seem to contribute regularly to this blog. Why does no one accidentally stumble across it? $5 TimHortons card to the first person who acutally leaves a comment.
Snapping back, I have moved...a bigger apartment, 1 bedroom, plus den, washer/dryer/ dishwasher all included. I am on a lake with a a walking trail into a nature park. I bought (well, the bank bought me and wants monthly payments) a brand new truck, but yet I still can't figure out the whole social thing. I dont know, maybe
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