Tears in the Bath

Fuck it all. So tired, so fed up, so lonely.

Broke, barely afford to eat, perfect cure for my alcoholism as it is now literally (can you get beyond literally) to the point of buying hot dogs, $0.99 Pasta and sauce, and wondering how I will afford gas to get to work after next week. Yet can't shed a pound....go figure. Thank you Frito Lay for the job and snacks that are easily succumbed to thanks to hunger cravings.

Fuck it all. Beautiful new apartment, and albeit I spent my disposable income on becoming a drunken sop (look it up), I finally traded in my repair of the month sedan for a 1/4 ton pickup truck...god I have wanted a truck for the last ten years...now I can't afford to put gas into it because I am too busy killing my liver off.

Little lesson kiddies, go read other blogs for how much fun life is, how you can just say fuck it all, get a car, got to some city/ festival and not care. I'm 32, employed, by myself, not many friends to speak of, and a neglected dog. Where's the gun to end it all. Maybe a boat and cinder blocks come July... life sucks and it doesn't get better.

I have even read over my previous posts, and all I can think of is how the hell did I write that. It acutally shows a pure descent down. Geez.. maybe I should even keep throwing in those posts that just seem to end in a middle of a thought/ sentence.

I don't know, maybe if I keep typing, life will make sense. Ha ha, and schaw...maybe monkeys will fly out my butt.

So, what has happened, why is it that I can't seem to contribute regularly to this blog. Why does no one accidentally stumble across it? $5 TimHortons card to the first person who acutally leaves a comment.

Snapping back, I have moved...a bigger apartment, 1 bedroom, plus den, washer/dryer/ dishwasher all included. I am on a lake with a a walking trail into a nature park. I bought (well, the bank bought me and wants monthly payments) a brand new truck, but yet I still can't figure out the whole social thing. I dont know, maybe