Company with the "underground garage"

Thanks to the musical selections of Mo tonight to keep me company.

Not sure where I left off, as I decided not to read my previous entry. Much like tonight, the posts here are fueled by boredom, self pity, and alcohol to help the feelings flow.

To start off, I had the most restless night of sleep/dreams. To back up a bit, to recap for myself and the first person to actually to read this, I have now been divorced for over a year, and separated longer than that (obviously). Last night I had a pretty vivid dream of my ex, and it was almost like I was lucid dreaming. In my dream, myself knew that the relationship was over, and had accepted it, but just wanted to catch up with my ex. We were sitting on a couch in an apartment, and she felt the need to re iterate that she no longer had feelings for me. That is when my parents arrived, chasing her out, and then my mother accused me of being an alcoholic, as I was drinking beer (in the dream I wasn't, I had stopped a few hours previously) and needed to go to work.

And then I woke up, confused and ashamed that I was drunk and needed to go to work. Then it slowly dawned that it was Saturday, it had been a dream, and it was only 5am.

This dream has upset me more than it should, and caused some serious reflection. I don't talk/ communicate with my ex. In fact, I don't communicate with anybody anymore, and I am perplexed as to how I became such a hermit. It seems that for awhile, I had found this small door that was leading me to some wonderful experiences. I had somehow managed to attract the affections of the office "hottie", and thought we were progressing nicely, then the bottom fell out. Next dating experience wasn't so good, and that was where I decided to stop trying. Sure, there has been a bar pickup, and a mediocre attempt to engage someone, but after a bit it felt forced so it just tailed off.....