As the summer sun sets

Wow....spent a bit reading over my last posts as normal, and apparently I was in a pretty low place at some point.

So, yeah, things haven't got much better since I last wrote, though I may have come out of that nasty cave of delusion and pity I was in before. What changed? nothing, still alone, drink too much, broke, and I am sure that Saddam Hussein (Yes, I know he has been executed) at this stage still receives more mail and correspondence than I do.

But, hey, what the hell....who gives a shit. Over this past weekend, I missed what had become somewhat of an annual event... the local Beerfest. And also, this past weekend, even though I am still struggling to come up with a better social network, a few texts and calls from friends helped me think that maybe...just maybe...I do have friends.

That's not to say that I haven't burnt some bridges. My best friend in High school and University, whose wedding I skipped and haven't sent even a crappy card, no longer talks to me( and , really, very well deserved and understood).

So, how does one go on in this god forsaken world. How often can you drag yourself to bed off of the couch where you spent your evening. How often can you look in the mirror and think that maybe this outfit will hide my flaws ( it never does...flab is flab, bigger shirts don't hide, are really only bigger shirts). How many drunken nights will it take for me to solve all of the worlds problems. One more?

So here is life at this point... I applied and interviewed for the posting of a liftetime with my current employer. In the next few years, we will be revamping all of our systems and upgrading to SAP based interfaces. I was lucky enough to be selected from my area to be interviewed, and now have to wait another 5 days before I find the inevitable...50/50, you got the job, congrats or you didn't get the job, but still employed and boss is willing to help you map your next career decision. In reality, it's pretty much win/win for me at this point. Oh, did I mention that if I do get the job, it would require extensive travel to cities explored and new alike?

And alcohol, oh alcohol, what to do...what to do... I can go periods of no consumption, but they are always followed by periods of perpetual drunken states. How does one stop? I thought about AA, but recently have started researching this option, and honestly, the hype may overshadow the actual results.

So, here I am, August of 2010, looking at a fork in the road where one has no barriers, and the second I am waiting to see if the gate will lift and allow me to wander down an new path. I hope that the barrier will lift, although if it doesn't, than I will gallop, or skip, or simply step confidently down the other path and do the same thing that I always do, second guess myself, push myself, and advance to the next level.

And gym is no longer a hated word, but more so like the arrogant person in your life that you don't want to acknowledge is right, but because they almost certainly are, you grudgingly succumb and do what you know is actually best for you. Besides, I hate this gut, and I hate being out of shape now.

So, Andy, next time you read this, what have you done? Do you deserve anything or have you earned it? Put down the bottle, go for a walk, say heya to someone, be Bo, just do it.

p.s.- for anybody who is not Andy...CBC Radio 3, great source of music. And to all those who DONT' WANNA FALL IN LOVE...don't blame ya, and if you are SORRY...so I am, very sorry, but hey...maybe, just maybe, we can all crawl along together, eventually able to stand up and walk tall, until we whack our heads again. Hopefully, this time it won't drive us to our knees. Just a rolling cliche machine right now, but obviously, no one is listening, so go for it. In reality, all of life comes down to a 50/50 chance, it happens/ it doesn't happen, or, Succeed and continue on/ Fail, and find another way to succeed.

that $5 Tim's card is still sitting on my desk, really, with millions of people browsing the web, nobody has somehow accidentally stumbled across this yet?

Cheers!