Hi to everybody.
So, I have actually read over my list, and have started picking off some of the items.
1.) I went to the used bookstore, and of course is was great! Small shop, crammed full of books, some eccentric patrons wandering about. But seriously, it was a good shop, and the owner was very personable. After selection 2 books, the owner gave me a $1.50 discount and would sell me both for $10 (paperbacks, but who cares, reading is about escaping). But, since I am generation next guy, only had a debit card to pay, which they don't accept ( cash only). I told the shopkeeper I would be back, and proceeded off to the grocery store a couple of blocks away. When I returned, cash in hand, the owner/shopkeeper was just returning from the coffee shop, apologized for almost missing me, then related that he had enjoyed the first chapter of one of the books I had selected ( he read it while i was gone) and the second selection had been almost sold a couple of days before. So, lesson 1, peak head out of shell and be rewarded.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
1+1=2
Wow,
I am shocking myself by adding a second post within a month. Either I am bored, sick, or my mental state is increasingly deteriorating....I guess you can figure out for yourself but I am pretty sure which one is the most accurate.
New pet peeve of the weekend. I hate it when I go buy a book by a "safe" author, only to come home and find the damn thing already on my bookshelf, read. Not to be too uppitiy, but I do tend to read a bit, and not always the most award winning literary novels, so when I want a quick, no brainer, sit on the couch/ bathtub passtime, I usually stick to the same group of authors. Only, it seems, that depending on the time that has past, the book has made such an impression on me that I buy it again, then a chapter or two into it, I realize a sense of deja vous, and look on the bookshelf..only to see...the same book. I guess I should stick to my other trick of picking random books off of the discount shelf, or maybe heading to that neat used bookstore around the corner, which I keep acting like a big pussy and never actually going into to browse. Hell, the only time I went in was to purchase a book that I saw int he window, and was actually apologetic for wanting the book from the display. Should have congratulated the shopkeep that his advertising had actually worked and had caused me to purchase his wares. But such is my bane of life...
So, here it is, another Sunday night, the prelude to another work week. I always have to laugh at myself... I somehow rationalize that the longer I prolong going to bed on Sunday, the better I can fight off the upcoming workweek. ( I actually visualize that commercial with all the people fighting off the sunrise with garbage can lids) Yet all I am actually doing is depriving myself of precious nocturnal rest. Which actually brings me to the point of blogging tonight. I can't sleep. I don't know if I am some kind of freak, but my brain refuses to shut off. Oh, sure, it takes a coffee break, but usually between the hours of 1:30 and 4am, it makes sure to bring me back to consciousness to help it fully explore all of the trivial matters that are perplexing it. Even tonight, after experiencing another game of, "Try and put the worry to rest...I dare you!" last night, here I am, still wide awake. I even had a nice evening of sitting on the deck (yes, it is still below freezing here at night) having a beer and listening to some distant neighbours having a nice old fight, interlaced with the alley cat literally caterwauling the night away. At least the stars were out, and for brief moments could actually lose myself in the peace of the night.
The hermit thing still seems to be permeating my being. I am trying to force myself to get out there. Went to the mall on a whim, though that didn't last long. I am not sure what my fear is of the general public. Well, that's a lie. I fear humiliation, being spurned, putting myself out there only to get it thrown back in my face. I have to laugh (the only other option is to cry...but I don't drink enough water for that)...A full year after my separation and I seem to be in worse shape than before. Fuck it, I was actually going out there and dating, taking chances, was actually doing well, (ha, at least for my standards) but then something clicked, and agoraphobia set in.
Enough, I need to get off my ass, literally and figuratively. Next post I will have put myself out there, and not an easy one either, but a challenge. Can I follow through?
Same bat time, same bat channel.
I am shocking myself by adding a second post within a month. Either I am bored, sick, or my mental state is increasingly deteriorating....I guess you can figure out for yourself but I am pretty sure which one is the most accurate.
New pet peeve of the weekend. I hate it when I go buy a book by a "safe" author, only to come home and find the damn thing already on my bookshelf, read. Not to be too uppitiy, but I do tend to read a bit, and not always the most award winning literary novels, so when I want a quick, no brainer, sit on the couch/ bathtub passtime, I usually stick to the same group of authors. Only, it seems, that depending on the time that has past, the book has made such an impression on me that I buy it again, then a chapter or two into it, I realize a sense of deja vous, and look on the bookshelf..only to see...the same book. I guess I should stick to my other trick of picking random books off of the discount shelf, or maybe heading to that neat used bookstore around the corner, which I keep acting like a big pussy and never actually going into to browse. Hell, the only time I went in was to purchase a book that I saw int he window, and was actually apologetic for wanting the book from the display. Should have congratulated the shopkeep that his advertising had actually worked and had caused me to purchase his wares. But such is my bane of life...
So, here it is, another Sunday night, the prelude to another work week. I always have to laugh at myself... I somehow rationalize that the longer I prolong going to bed on Sunday, the better I can fight off the upcoming workweek. ( I actually visualize that commercial with all the people fighting off the sunrise with garbage can lids) Yet all I am actually doing is depriving myself of precious nocturnal rest. Which actually brings me to the point of blogging tonight. I can't sleep. I don't know if I am some kind of freak, but my brain refuses to shut off. Oh, sure, it takes a coffee break, but usually between the hours of 1:30 and 4am, it makes sure to bring me back to consciousness to help it fully explore all of the trivial matters that are perplexing it. Even tonight, after experiencing another game of, "Try and put the worry to rest...I dare you!" last night, here I am, still wide awake. I even had a nice evening of sitting on the deck (yes, it is still below freezing here at night) having a beer and listening to some distant neighbours having a nice old fight, interlaced with the alley cat literally caterwauling the night away. At least the stars were out, and for brief moments could actually lose myself in the peace of the night.
The hermit thing still seems to be permeating my being. I am trying to force myself to get out there. Went to the mall on a whim, though that didn't last long. I am not sure what my fear is of the general public. Well, that's a lie. I fear humiliation, being spurned, putting myself out there only to get it thrown back in my face. I have to laugh (the only other option is to cry...but I don't drink enough water for that)...A full year after my separation and I seem to be in worse shape than before. Fuck it, I was actually going out there and dating, taking chances, was actually doing well, (ha, at least for my standards) but then something clicked, and agoraphobia set in.
Enough, I need to get off my ass, literally and figuratively. Next post I will have put myself out there, and not an easy one either, but a challenge. Can I follow through?
Same bat time, same bat channel.
Friday, April 10, 2009
April showers bring nothing.
So, apparently setting goals is about as useful as a hole in the head. I have done nothing, except become more sloth like. Gym....what is that... I actually still have a "Free B-day Gift" from 2008 that I haven't used yet, because I still haven't been back to the gym in 2009. Other failed goals...walk the dog every day ( gawd...poor thing, haven't even managed 3 or 4 times per week).
So, what have I done. I took on more responsibility at work that everyone, myself included, thought would only take up about 9- 10 hours a week, which in itself is no big deal since I..ahem..delegated some stuff to another co-worker (who's position I was hired to do...awkward!)but in reality it's more like 15-20 hours a week, the bulk of which happens on tuesdays. So, now I am working a 15 hour day on Tuesday's, only to be offset by the 10-12 hour days for the rest of the week. But bitching aside, it is a great company to work for, and I am really happy to be back in the fold, especially during these times. ( okay, hint, it may involve potatoes, and rhymes with Prito May). I actually had a great 1 on 1 session with my boss this past week, who basically told me if I hadn't come along, her job would be alot busier and harder than it has been. Actually, she is finding content in her job again, as I have taken so much on and off of her plate. In fact, my boss kept referring to a work/ life balance, and that he/ she was worried I wasn't able to achieve it very well, which is 100% accurate. But hey, no significant other, (and see below), no real social network, I have become the classic definition of the wierd dedicated creepy guy.
Another reason why I thought I would add another random. infrequent post is that I was looking over my email "sent" items, and I have sooo many friends that I haven't sent an email in 20 days. In this age, I might as well be a leper.
Seriously though, it is my fault. After New Years, I decided that my apartment was all I needed to see and be involved with, because hey, who needs human contact outside of work.... any normal fucking person, that' s who. I woke up one day (okay not literally woke up from a nice sleep and wonderful dream...but kind of snapped back into reality) and realized that I am a hermit...if I was to die in my apartment after this post, nobody would find me for at least a month, but probably more.
So, revisited goals are to go to the god forsaken gym (man, do I hate those stupid machines and ultra buff urbanites) and actually seek out a social group, or volunteer, something that doesn't involve my keyboard, dog, and desk chair. I hope I can muster the confidence, as after basically relegating myself to obscure-dom, I really need to put a rubber band around my head and snap out of it. Maybe a lttle less alcohol on the weekends may help as well...both mentally and financially. (okay, next post may be about how I hate revenue Canada, and money in general)
So, what have I done. I took on more responsibility at work that everyone, myself included, thought would only take up about 9- 10 hours a week, which in itself is no big deal since I..ahem..delegated some stuff to another co-worker (who's position I was hired to do...awkward!)but in reality it's more like 15-20 hours a week, the bulk of which happens on tuesdays. So, now I am working a 15 hour day on Tuesday's, only to be offset by the 10-12 hour days for the rest of the week. But bitching aside, it is a great company to work for, and I am really happy to be back in the fold, especially during these times. ( okay, hint, it may involve potatoes, and rhymes with Prito May). I actually had a great 1 on 1 session with my boss this past week, who basically told me if I hadn't come along, her job would be alot busier and harder than it has been. Actually, she is finding content in her job again, as I have taken so much on and off of her plate. In fact, my boss kept referring to a work/ life balance, and that he/ she was worried I wasn't able to achieve it very well, which is 100% accurate. But hey, no significant other, (and see below), no real social network, I have become the classic definition of the wierd dedicated creepy guy.
Another reason why I thought I would add another random. infrequent post is that I was looking over my email "sent" items, and I have sooo many friends that I haven't sent an email in 20 days. In this age, I might as well be a leper.
Seriously though, it is my fault. After New Years, I decided that my apartment was all I needed to see and be involved with, because hey, who needs human contact outside of work.... any normal fucking person, that' s who. I woke up one day (okay not literally woke up from a nice sleep and wonderful dream...but kind of snapped back into reality) and realized that I am a hermit...if I was to die in my apartment after this post, nobody would find me for at least a month, but probably more.
So, revisited goals are to go to the god forsaken gym (man, do I hate those stupid machines and ultra buff urbanites) and actually seek out a social group, or volunteer, something that doesn't involve my keyboard, dog, and desk chair. I hope I can muster the confidence, as after basically relegating myself to obscure-dom, I really need to put a rubber band around my head and snap out of it. Maybe a lttle less alcohol on the weekends may help as well...both mentally and financially. (okay, next post may be about how I hate revenue Canada, and money in general)
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